


Shoot the Moon

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 10:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10852074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Joker learns something that angers him. Harley doesn't help.





	Shoot the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Hearts."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal 13th-Feb-2013.

“Of all the nerve!” Joker pushed the wobbly desk chair back from the scarred surface of the computer table.

“What’s wrong, Puddin’?” Harley stood up from the DVD rack, where she seemed to be pulling every romantic comedy off the shelves.

“I’m just sitting here, reading about card games—” he’d actually been reading about anatomy, after starting out looking for the card catalogue, but had gotten distracted on Wikipedia, “—and it turns out there’s a variation of that old game Hearts.”

Stack of movies in hand, Harley toddled over. “The one we can never play because it’s only the two of us? Not that there’s anything wrong with that! And the Queen of Spades is really bad, and so are the hearts even though they’re the prettiest suit.”

One day, Joker was going to control her rambling. Take some bolt cutters and—

“What’s wrong, Puddin’?”

“There’s some variation called _Joker Hearts_. Where the Joker card has no worth! No value! It means nothing!”

“Well, that’s just silly. You’re worth tons!”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to _say_. I’ve been insulted long enough!” He stood, and surveyed the Gotham Public Library. Books, computers, movies, newspapers, magazines… “Burn it all!”

“But the library didn’t make the game, we was just taking some movies to watch during Valentine’s Day, and all the books in the Rare Books Room so we could sell them—”

“Regardless! It’s still insulting!” Feeling better now, the plot twisting and forming in his brain, Joker continued, “Raze the building, and let all who come after remember that the Joker matters! I shall not be relegated to simple tricks and placeholders! I will prove that I am—”

A blue batarang caught Joker in the shoulder, and his rant of anger became a howl of pain. As he inspected the bleeding, Nightthing swung into the room and knocked him down. Before he could fight back, his wrists and ankles were bound, injured shoulder twisted painfully.

Blightwing caught Harley, who’d been trying to find her bag of gear where she left it in the children’s reading room, and dragged her back towards the Joker to bind her, too. Grinning and shaking his head and stupid-shaggy hair, he said, “You guys realize books from the library are free, right? You don’t need to steal them.”

Not yet gagged, Harley cut in, “But the rare ones can’t be taken out. We can’t sell them if we can’t get them out!”

“Selling rare… New low for you guys? Stealing from the library and selling rare books? Pathetic.”

Glowering, and wanting to enjoy his time before being gagged, Joker snarled, “It’s supposed to be ironic. I suppose I could just deface all of the books with smiley faces instead. Is that more in line with your expectations?”

“Shut your trap. Plenty of time to read in Arkham. I’ll get you some _Highlights_ magazines. Those have games!”

One day, Joker would have Nightwing’s head on a stake. And his heart on a platter.


End file.
